Catch them being good

I've always been a glass half full kind of person.  I always feel that there is hope in any situation, and that we always can learn from situations that we are less than thrilled with.  That said, I have been thinking a lot lately about making the full move to purely positive methods in "training up" both my dogs and kids.  I have seen the evidence with clicker training, both from the trials that Guide Dogs for the Blind made in training guide dogs, as well as the resounding praise for the clicker methods by the guide dog handlers.  I have seen the much stronger learning that takes place for myself in Rudy's agility training.  Granted, it was very slow learning, and it was really, really hard to not "help" him, but when he got it, he got it!  If I were to always have used clicker training, I am confident that learning would not always be so slow.

We took a parenting class last year, as we have found ourselves a bit overwhelmed by the kids at times.  It was impossible to parent by one method because my kids are all sooo different.  The class was such a far cry from the typical if they do this/do this type of parenting that I typically hear.  Focus was on the relationship, and using problem situations to learn.  Parenting IS very much like dog training. ;)  I have for years known that relationships were the reason behind dog behavior issues in many cases.  Performance dogs will not give their best without that relationship being in prime condition.  If working the guide dog puppies, and they decide to snag that piece of popcorn off the ground, what do we do?  We go back and work it 'til they no longer try to get it (I understand that this exercise began with the negative reinforcement of a collar correction, but at this time in puppy raising, that's all we get).  In a positive training example, I would be prepared to catch my dog not reacting to the dog next door trying to fence fight or waiting outside the kitchen while I prepare dinner, mark it, and treat, thereby increasing that behavior.

My issue lies in the fact that I am not always patient for results, and I have learned other ways that solve behavior problems faster.  In part, it is because the old ways come naturally, whereas I still struggle to think of appropriate dialogue for the 1-yr-old who is on the counter for the 3rd time, getting cookies while I attempt to vacuum for 15 minutes.  I can tell you that there must have been a half dozen times that I responded with irritation to my toddlers incessent disaster-making skills this AM, while trying to homeschool my younger son.  Each time, I told myself, "that wasn't positive", but it achieved the desired response (albeit it was short-lived).  And while my dog is attempting to pull me down the street, I would rather give a good pop to his buckle collar, and be done with it, than to practice catching him being good for 30 minutes while trying to push a stroller and running (OK, maybe I multi-task too much).  But the next time we head out, he pulls until reminded not to pull.  I get tired of repeating myself.  I can tell my child to clear his plate every single day for a month, but he will not clear it on his own.  If I catch him just once doing it, and reward him in some way, I bet he'd "remember" a lot more often. Catch them being good.  Easier said than done when you have 4 kids, 4 dogs, 3 cats all going in/out for hours needing food, arguing, asking for things, telling me about their day, all while I try to get dinner cooked before they have all snacked beyond full and won't eat dinner.  Chaos seems to breed inappropriate behavior in me.  As I have already been reitterating in my mind many times since reading the first two chapters of Unglued, "just because the situation is out of control does not mean that you have to act out-of-control".  Don't get me wrong, I don't frequently get out-of-control, but there are times that the chaos longevity when combined with a fragile state of fatigue turns me into a yeller.  I hate it, always regret it. 

These recurrent situations just prove the point.  When I respond in ways that don't teach the mind, but just avoidance behavior, in most situations the situation will arise again.  So, have I really taught anything?  I guess my take-home is that focusing on positive methods is the humane way to interact with those learning the ropes.  Practice makes perfect, and just as I learned so many other training methods, this one too shall be mastered.